Sad Week

Friday last week my second cousin was killed in a horrific farming accident leaving a young wife and 8 month old child behind. He was only 24 (I think). This week is the one year anniversary of the death of my first cousin in a car accident. She was only 28 and was living a very full life, in school, racing on the track, and engaged to a very good man. Life isn't fair.

As I think about my two cousins and their families, and as I look at my son, I ache. Part of me wants to protect him from all of this somehow. To be able to assure him that no matter what his daddy and I will always be there. To keep him from ever having to experience the loss of a spouse/fiance/child/close loved one. To keep me from ever having to lose him. I would like to protect him from a lot of other things too, most just as impossible as protecting him from death. He is so precious to me and as his mother I somehow feel like I should be able to do this for him.

At the same time I know that not only can I not protect him, if I am totally honest I know that hard times will make him a better person and that protecting him from every hard thing would not be a good thing for him. I still want to protect him and myself from these hardest things. I can't help it.

For today I pray for the families of my cousins, that they will feel God's presence, because even though we know God is always with us sometimes we feel all alone. I pray that those around them will be gifted with knowledge of what to say and do that will be helpful and not cause further pain. I pray for my cousin's child. I don't even know what to pray for here, just that there is a prayer in my heart for this child. The spirit will interpret for me. I pray for myself and my son, wisdom to know how to be a good mother to him, to know what to protect him from and how, and what not to protect him from and how. I pray for his physical safety from things I can not yet imagine and cannot protect him from.