My Perfect Place...

My perfect place is the front porch of my parent's farm house on a breezy summer day. It is a BIG porch so there is always plenty of shade and the breeze keeps you cool and the mosquitoes away most of the time. I love sitting out there and drinking terere with whoever happens to be there. I love how comfortable it is, how there is lots of room for Luke to play and I don't have to worry about him running into the street and getting killed because the street is far away across a huge green lawn with lots of big old shade trees instead of just 30 feet from the front door to a busy hazardous street with lots of truck and strange people passing by all the time.

I like that my parent's front porch is secluded, out in the country and far enough off the road that while you can be seen it is only minimally. I feel comfortable there, I can nurse my son with out a care. No one to judge me there. And even though I am still careful to be discrete, I don't worry so much about what others are thinking. I know those who don't want to see too much will keep their eyes averted just in case my son decides to put on a show, and everyone there believes that it is natural and normal and GOOD to nurse a child longer than a year. And so I relax, and so does my son, and he doesn't try to put on a show. He climbs on my lap and asks without demanding and then curls up and nurses peacefully, enjoying some time with me that is all ours.

I like that there is space. You can see for miles over beautiful fields. My favorites are the golden wheat fields which ripen around my birthday. Harvest. I LOVE harvest. There is space for Luke to play and explore and grow and learn there. He doesn't have to be tethered to me or holding my hand. I can sit there and watch as he gains knowledge and confidence and new skills. There is space for us to use our imaginations, we can be and do anything there. I can make him dandelion chains, or curly-q's, or rub the flowers on his hands to turn them yellow. We can sing silly songs and make chalk pictures on the sidewalk and play ball. There is space to watch things grow, flowers and vegetables and animals and babies.

I love the people there too. I love how much they love my child, how well they know him, how they delight in everything he does, almost as much as I do. I love how we have such open, trusting, comfortable relationships. How I can tell them anything an be completely safe knowing that they will love me and accept me regardless. I am grateful for them, because I know not everyone has that kind of relationship with their families. I hope I have that kind of relationship with my son and whatever other children I may have in the future.

So this is my perfect place, sitting on a breezy big porch on a warm summer day, with family around me. It isn't fancy, but it is good. There are other perfect places, places close to other people I love, places in Indiana, Oregon, Colorado, Paraguay, and the Dominican Republic to name a few. Right now I am enjoying this one, but next week I will get to enjoy a different one!

notes

Luke had his Dr's appointment today, about 32 inches long and 23 lbs. He had a hard time with the Dr and nurses today. Always before he has been fine, curious about everything and accepting of the staff. Today he couldn't handle it at all. As soon as someone other than me would get near him he would cling to me and scream! Dr Wiens said maybe he remembers his trip to the ER... Poor baby!

Afterwards we went to Drubber's for lunch with a coworker and her little boy. It was fun seeing her sweet baby, who is almost two! He and Luke shared a donut and lots of smiles and jabbers.

Luke and I had lots of errands to do today. The most fun one for me was going to the library. We didn't stay long but we got the second two books in the Wizard of Oz series. At night Luke has his bath and then we read together. If he is wide awake and not sitting down well I start with short picture books until he has calmed down a bit. Then after a while he snuggles in with me and I read a short chapter or two to him. Tonight we finished The Wizard of Oz, so tomorrow we will start one of the new books.

This evening we went to the public pool with my brother Wes. It wasn't as big of a hit as the rec. center pool was, I think because the water was so cool and it wasn't very hot this evening. He got cool fast, but he still wanted to be in the water. We saw some other kids with some little balls and they let him play with them and took turns throwing them back and forth for quite a while. Wes hung out with us some of the time but also got a lot of time in with some kids he goes to school with and the big slide and diving boards. When we went to drop him off at home Luke wanted to get out and play so he and Wes played with the basket ball for quite a while. There was also a little kitten watching them and when Luke saw it he started patting his leg with one hand vigorously and kind of leaning down a bit! It was so funny. It was like he was trying to call the kitten the way you would call a dog to you, and he did it over and over again, just patting his little leg as fast as he could and beaming at that kitten! I have never seen him do that before, not sure where he picked it up, but he had me in stitches!

Well, I have so much that needs to be done tomorrow, and it is really late so I had better go snuggle up and get some sleep before Luke decides that it is time to get up!

Zoo again!!!

I have gone to the zoo three times recently. A few weeks back the new tiger exhibit was unveiled so a friend of mine from work met me there with her son and we had a good day, hot but good, then last week Greg and I tried to go with Luke but I forgot how early it closes so we only got to stay 15 minutes! Yesterday we went again and all these pics ore from this latest trip. Amy and Derrick and their sweet Glen as well as Faby and her daughter Camila met us at 11 and we had a picnic lunch before heading out into the zoo. Fist stop, Penguins!

Luke was more interested in Glen. (-:

Next we were on to the reptile house, which was a big hit for Luke especially!

Jungle!!!

Luke learned the sign for Bird while we were in the Jungle! I had never tried to teach it to him before but I decided to show him and he picked it right up and has been using it ever since. Only thing is that when he does it, it kind of looks like the way he signs lights and milk so you have to look at the context I guess. If you are outside and he is using his high voice it's a good bet he means bird!

Next was the North American area... It was pretty hot and we mainly went back to see the otters, but they were taking a nap so we kind of rushed through the rest of it. Most of the other animals were also taking naps.

Then it was on to the big cats!

The poor leopards are about the only ones left in a smaller cage since the tiger exhibit opened.

Somewhere just before we got to the tiger exhibit Luke became best friends with Faby and pretty much stuck to her the rest of the time. (-: I think that drove Camila a little bit nuts, but there was enough else going on that she let Luke enjoy her mommy a little while.

After the tigers come the Lions!

We also went through Australia and South America but decided that we were all ready to call it a day after that. It was so hot I think we were all a bit wilted, but we had soooo much fun! Can't wait to do it again, hopefully when it's a little bit cooler.

Tonight Greg was sweeping the kitchen and Luke decided that should be his job. I agree, I mean he does make most of the mess on the floor, now if he could just figure out how to make a pile and then get it into the trash!

Here is a cute video!

Luke has also learned how to sign "more" this week which is really cool! I had tried to teach it to him when he was much younger but it hadn't stuck, then the other day I decided to try again and it just clicked immediately for him. He is just figuring out so much everyday, today he got his shoe on by himself! He can also take off his own pants if they are a little on the lose side and has figured out how to undo his Velcro diapers! That is one trick I could do with out!

Well. that should be enough for one post! Hope you enjoyed the picks!

overnight

Luke stayed overnight with Grammy and Grandpa this weekend for the first time ever! Greg and I like to catch at least one White Sox game each year and they were playing the Royals in Kansas City this weekend so we made the quick drive up and stayed overnight while Luke spent a little extra time with his grandparents here. The last two years Luke has been with us, first in utero and last year in the flesh. Last year was fun but very hot and with Luke more mobile we figured he really wouldn't enjoy it much if we took him with us. It was also nice to have a good chunk of time just to ourselves. Sometimes it feels like I have to remember so many things to tell Greg, just little necessary things to keep our everyday lives going relatively smoothly, that I don't get a chance to just talk with him and enjoy our relationship as much as I would like to. When we do go out just the two of us there always seems to be so much of an agenda that it's hard to relax, I sometimes feel like we have to hurry up and get our quality time in so we can be back to pick up the baby on time. So, even though my heart was in my throat as I said good-bye to my baby and gave him to my parents, it was a really good weekend. Yes, I know they love him, and he adores them, but he is my baby and I always feel not quite whole when I have to leave him with someone else.



So, even though I missed Luke, I really enjoyed the whole trip. The drive up was nice, we talked for a while and then I got a quick nap. When we got to KC we caught a movie which we both enjoyed, and then headed for the ball park. Greg hadn't gotten tickets ahead of time thinking that it is the Royals after all and they shouldn't be sold out, but they basically were... There were a few $75 tickets left and then there was standing room only! We paid $7 each for standing room only and then were able to find seats after the game got started. It was a really fun game, for us anyway! We won 5-3. It was pretty exciting with the winning runs coming late in the game, and everyone was on their feet for the final at bat! We were both on the tired side so we headed back to the hotel, which was beautiful. We got a king sized bed with feather comforter, and the hotel had an indoor/outdoor pool, Jacuzzi, and a fitness room. I had forgotten how much I love to swim! There weren't many people in the pool that night which was great for me, I like to swim, not splash so much. Greg was more tired than I so he worked out a little in the fitness room and then spent most of the time in the Jacuzzi. I enjoyed the pool so much I decided I needed to find a way to go swimming more often so we now have a book of swimming passes for the city pool!

We tried to watch a movie that night but we were both falling asleep and decided to save it for the morning. It was so relaxing, just enjoying the plush room and pool and not having any responsibilities, it was like steeling time or something. It was nice having the time to reconnect with each other without the pressure of deadlines or any of the normal daily interruptions. We slept late, ate a little breakfast while finishing up the movie and took one last swim before checking out. I had the whole pool to myself! I told Greg that if we ever win the lottery or something I wanted to get a pool!

We did some shopping before heading home, another thing that is a million times easier when you aren't trying to keep track of a one year old at the same time! We listened to the White Sox/Royals game on the way home and they won again! Go Sox! We got to my parent's house about supper time and Luke was so sweet! Even though he really doesn't talk it was obvious that he had missed us and was really glad we were home! We had checked in several times while we were gone but we stuck around a bit to hear about the overnight stay in a little more detail. I think everything went really good, he ended up sleeping in their bed most of the night, but my parents had us in their bed when we were little and both said that it felt surprisingly natural to have a baby in their bed again. My mom had enjoyed seeing how he is at night, how he tries to put himself back to sleep and stuff when he wakes up.

One funny thing from our end, Greg told me in the morning that all night long I kept startling and saying things like, "Where's Luke!?!" I don't remember doing that at all so I must have been doing it in my sleep! He also said I kept patting him and stuff like I do with Luke when he wakes up in the night.

So we are back safe and sound and I think we all had a good weekend. Luke is supper sweet, giving me kisses all the time, but also showing his emotions more strongly. The other day he was trying to help me unload the dishwasher and he grabbed a wine glass so I had to take it away from him before he threw it or something and he got really mad and bit the dishwasher! I couldn't help laughing a little bit, I've never seen him do something like that before, but I hope he doesn't turn into a bitter! I asked Mom how he compares to my siblings and I as kids as far as our temperament goes and she thinks he is a lot like me, at least from hearing what I have said about how he is at home. She says he is obviously more comfortable showing his frustration, etc. when he is at home with me, although he is starting to show it more at their house too, but she thinks he is a lot like I was and feels his emotions deeply. She said he is going to be an interesting one to raise! I'm sure having fun raising him!

Tuesday I got called off from work so we decided to make good on our plans to go swimming/work out more often. Greg isn't big on swimming but he wanted to find a good fitness center to use that's not too expensive. We decided to check out the Newton Rec. Center. Greg used their fitness room while Luke and I played in the pool for an hour. I was expecting Luke to be really cautious and clingy and fearful of the water, but I was surprised to find that he really, really enjoyed it! I know he likes his bath, but he hates it when I have to lay him back to wash his hair, and he doesn't like it when I poor water on his head either (so either way it's a struggle to get his head clean) and that's why I was expecting him to be afraid. He was a little cautious, especially at first. The pool has a pretty good sized area that is only two feet deep so we started off there because Luke is tall enough to stand up there by himself, but he was afraid to put his feet down. After trying to set him down and having him pick up his feet twice I just held him and took one foot and put it on the bottom of the pool so he could feel that it was ok to stand up. After that he was fine. He even did a face plant in the watter three separate times and came up without coughing or sputtering and needed only minimal comforting before he was off again! There were a few other families there but it wasn't crowded and they had brought some balls with them to play with and shared them with Luke. He spent the first ten minutes beaming and splashing with his hands, then he started to watch the other little kids really closely, then he started pointing at them and trying to play with them. After a while I decided to take him into the deeper water, where I could stand up instead of crouching down all the time, to see what he would do. Again I was really surprised. He was cautious at first and I kind of swirled him around in the water while holding him close on my hip, but soon he was floating on his tummy with his head held up out of the water and just his hands holding onto my arms while I swirled him around. He even figured out how to kick while I did that! I also showed him how to stand on the edge of the pool and then kind of lean into my arms (he wouldn't jump) and then I would swish him around in the water.

Towards the end there were some bigger boys, grade school to middle school age, playing basket ball in the water and he really wanted to play with the balls. They were really nice and shared with us and the hoop was low enough that I could lift Luke up just high enough for him to put the ball in the hoop and he LOVED that! I think we did that for at least 20 minutes so my arms and shoulders got a really good work out and are sore! It was worth it though, he had such a blast, enjoyed it way more than I thought he would. I think we played in the pool for an entire hour and I think he would have gone longer if it hadn't been getting late. The little turkey refused to take a nap today and by the time 8:30 rolled around I noticed that his patience was wearing thin so I figured we had better get showered and dressed and head home before we had a melt down. (I think he was afraid to fall asleep and wake up to find me gone again. I almost never leave when he is sleeping, we have a good-bye routine that works way better than me trying to sneak out, but he just kept jerking himself back awake every time he got close to sleep and that is my best bet for why.) When we got home he fell asleep almost immediately, I actually changed his diaper and put pajama pants on him without him waking up really!

I have so much fun being his mom! His kisses melt my heart (the other morning he was being silly and he hit me right on the face and then quickly leaned in and gave me a big fat kiss on the chin! Smart little bugger knew I couldn't stay mad after that!) and it is such a blast to watch him learn and grow and experience knew things. I am always learning more about who he is and what he needs from me. Being a mom is such a personal, intimate thing. I know that everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes the authorities need to step in when situations are really wrong, but on the flip side, the side of normal loving families, I think we women are often so hard on each other. I don't think we even realize it sometimes. We all want to be the best mothers for our children, and we do that I think by loving them and being in tune with them, who they are and what their needs are. Each child is different, each mother is different, and so each pair may have a slightly different style of parenting and that is actually good. I remember complaining that this or that wasn't fair as a kid, and Mom would say, that's right, it isn't fair, but it is just. It is just what you need, what this child needs, in this situation. If I have more kids, which I hope I do, they won't be exactly the same as Luke, and I will be a different mom for them based on who they are, who I am, and how I can best meet their individual needs.

Well, enough, it's late and I need to go snuggle up with my boys!

at Abraham's cabin!

Our Sunday School class had an afternoon/evening excursion to a cabin owned by the grandparents of one of our members yesterday. It is a really neat place, a pond for fishing,

(or taking pictures while fishing... Joey, did you catch any fish that way?)

swimming if it's warm enough, and boating,

a four wheeler,

swings, a nice walking path, a fire ring, etc. When I was in high school the youth group used it several times for overnight camp outs! We had a lot of fun! I think it was Luke's ideal kind of day, being outside all day with lots of fun people to entertain and play with. Here are a few more pics.

(What do you see, Lukey?)

One thing I don't have pics of are people trying their hand at shooting clay pigeons. I think all the guys tried their hand at it and at least one of the girls did too. We roasted hot dogs and everyone brought side dishes so there was more than enough food when we got hungry. Luke enjoyed feeding my brother Ben chips while he fished, which was good for Ben too since his hands were all covered with worm goo.

Two people brought their dogs out, this one is Mark and Amanda's brand new baby.

She is supper cute and spent most of the day cuddled up with just about everyone in turn. I don't have a picture of Whinny but she behaved herself really well and I think managed to use up a little of her boundless energy tearing all over the place the whole evening. When it started to get dark and chilly we started a camp fire and made s'mores.

Finally after 9pm Greg and I realized how late it was getting and that we still had a good drive home to get through before we could get Luke to bed. I don't know how long everyone else stayed after that, but it was a really good day. Thanks to Mark and Amanda for hosting and getting a social event off the ground! You did a great job!

ER

I took Luke to the ER this morning. Greg has a daily prescription medication that he has to take and this morning he must have stepped on it by accident or something and broke the bottle. Later when I got up and was getting dressed in the bathroom Luke was playing on the floor. I was watching him most of the time and didn't see him put anything in his mouth, but when I bent over to pick him up I saw all these little pills on the floor and the broken bottle on the counter. I know Luke had been trying to get my necklace off the counter and he must have pulled some of the lose pills off with it. I checked his mouth and sure enough there was white stuff in his mouth, no pills for me to retrieve, just white stuff. I called Poison Control and they said that if he had taken more than one pill it would be toxic to him and that I should take him to the ER. I drove as fast as I could and broke my no cell phone while driving rule to call my mom and ask her to call Greg at work. When I walked into the ER I just burst into tears! I was a mess. Luke was sitting there acting perfectly fine and I was balling my eyes out. They were acting urgent and took us back right away and I saw a tech that I know and then one of our house supervisors came and was our nurse which made me feel a lot better! I know him well and he is a great RN. I didn't know the Dr who took care of us and I think he did a fine job, but it did seem like Andrew was coaching him a little bit so that made me extra glad to have him as our nurse.

We drew a blood level and Greg got there really quickly. They told us he would probably stay overnight for observation, maybe go home late evening today at the earliest. Then they put a tube down his nose into his stomach, took x-rays to make sure it was in the right place, and gave him a bunch of charcoal to bind with any remaining medicine. They didn't get quite all of the charcoal that they were wanting to down before the tube got clogged, but his blood levels were low enough and they had gotten most of it in him so they went ahead and took out the NG tube. Then they let me nurse him for a bit to calm him down because he wouldn't stop crying at that point.

While he was nursing I noticed that he had little red bumps popping up everywhere. I called Andrew back and told him about it and the Dr came back and looked Luke over again. They thought he was either allergic to Greg's med he had taken or to something they had mixed with the charcoal. They gave him some benadryl but when we were almost done giving it too him he coughed and then gagged and threw up a whole bunch, mostly milk and benadryl. So we gave him another dose, he tried to spit that one out but I think he got most of it. They told us that his blood work showed what would be a therapeutic amount of Greg's medication for a baby his age and weight so he should be ok and we could take him home if we wanted to, just monitor him closely and make sure to check him every 15 minutes and count his respiration's for the next 16 hours. We had already called my work to let them know that I would be late, possibly not coming in at all, so we called them back to let them know that I would just be a little late.

We went home and he nursed and snuggled with me. I am still really shaken. I wish I could be home with him right now, but Greg is there and I have called a couple of times to make sure he is still ok. The rash got pretty irritated but I don't think it's getting any worse anymore.

So, another potentially big crisis avoided. I'm ready for a break!

Oliver!

Tonight Greg brought home a big box and made Luke a house! He loved it, it was a lot of fun watching him walk in and out and stick his head through the windows.

Oliver, my second cousin, and his dad Wes are here from Paraguay for a few days. Oliver has been a good friend since before I went to Paraguay and his family often hosted me when I lived there. I'm sad we only got to see each other for a few hours, but I'm always glad to see him or any of my Paraguay cousins. With them it is always easy to pick right back up where we loft off, no matter how long it has been. Someday I hope to take Greg to Paraguay. I don't know when or for how long, but it's definitely something that is important to me.

This is Oliver's dad, Wes, and my great aunt Elsie sitting next to him.

Luke was playing patty cake with my Mom and doing almost all the motions!

Hope we see you again soon, Oliver!